I really should be packing

Before the AMAZINGLY DRAMATIC events of yesterday, I had planned to write a bit about my upcoming trip. I should be sending out e-mails to my clients and packing but I'm a very well practiced procrastinator, so I'm typing here, instead.

I am a saleswoman of sorts. My mother has said of me that I could sell ice to eskimos. I do believe it but only under certain conditions. Now, I come by this somewhat honestly. My Paternal Grandfather was a salesman for the Bullocks Sporting Goods Department for a number of years. (Bonus points to anyone who knows what Bullocks was and extra if you knew they had a sporting goods department.) My maternal grandmother was an Avon lady, so multi-level marketing sahm's run in the family too!

But I have my limitations.

For example, I have a very good friend with a beautiful name who owns a business and is a much more successful and accomplished businesswoman and salesperson than I am. In fact, at her previous employer, her stores stood out among the highest achieving stores in the company. I have always said she's an amazing businesswoman and that I frequently see people underestimate her, which is a very dangerous thing to do.

I'm not her. 

But if I'm in her store, either employed by her for the day or just visiting as a customer, I can sell a person a purse. Or a plastic mouse that doesn't even do anything but sit on a shelf. When I can completely separate ME from the transaction and make it about other people, be it to benefit my friend's business or so that the person I'm talking to will have an adorable purse, I can make that eskimo buy that ice. The second I feel like the person might be looking at me as having something to gain by making the sale, my ability to sell becomes crippled. 

Frankly, this is really unfair to myself. 

I could never "sell" a product I didn't totally believe in. (Well, ok, I'm not entirely sure that plastic mice have a value in MY world but there are so damn many of them I can usually find some reason a person should own a particular mouse. "Oh, you like to go on picnics? Here's a scene of mice on a picnic! Isn't it darling! Did you know that this store offers a 10% credit on future purchases when you buy something? Oh and this little mouse with an ant goes with that scene you know...")

The products I represent are fantastic products in my opinion. It is also my opinion that just about everyone has a use for my products. I don't care what anyone says, looking at pictures on Picasa is nice and all but it's not real. Computers and the internet are wonderful, but at the end of the day, to preserve our stories, I'm printing things up and putting them on display beyond a computer screen and yes, I think other people should do that, too. I mean, really, when you spend that much time and money on a boat with MickeyMouse going through the Panama Canal, you need a book to sit and look at and show other people, whether it is a scrapbook, a pocket page album or a digitally created and printed book and/or framed pictures on your walls.

(OOOH, was that spam? Was that TARGETED Spam? Of course not! What an impertinent thing to say! Oh wait, I'm Cute and Perky, not Practically Perfect...)

When I started my business 11 years ago, my goal was simple: Daddy Doc was unemployed at the time and as a traditional calendar teacher, I would not have a paycheck in August or September. I discovered this company and its products and I knew I'd be dropping a lot of money on them. I figured that if I could make enough money to pay for the products for myself, I could get what I wanted even while DD looked for a new job. And if I made a little money in the process, good for me!

For 11 years I have always made that goal. I have never paid for products out of our family budget. At times I have "helped' the budget with purchases such as that Canon Rebel SLR we had for awhile and DD's digital camcorder. 

I don't drive a pink cadillac (but when I get to Dallas tomorrow, I suspect the airport may be crawling with women in their red, blue and tweed suits with their county fair ribbons pinned to the sleeves because it's convention "season" for DSA's right now.) 

As much as I try, and as much mental health progress as I've made in the past 15 years, I still have an unreasonable need to have other people like me, so I fear becoming the kind of person that sends other people running when they see me (Oh crap, she's going to try to sell me something,) so I don't promote my business as much as I should.

And as much as I abhor passive aggressive behavior, my entire advertising campaign is built on Passive Aggressive Behavior.

I wear clothing that advertises my business.

I mention to everyone I see that "I'm going to Minnesota" so that they'll say "oh, what for?" "A business trip" Oh, what kind of business? OOOOH, you took my bait, thankyoueversomuch.

I give people gifts I made with my products. Or thank you notes I made with our software.

I pimp it in my .sig for my primary email account even when I'm sending e-mail to cub scout families or PTA moms.

There was more but I forgot it now.

So here I sit the day before departure. I feel worse about missing back to school night tomorrow night than I did last year when I missed the boys' first day of school! I'm not packed. I'm not feeling really fantastic about my body and my wardrobe right now. I can't find my most wonderful pair of cropped pants or my awesome zippered sweatshirt that advertises my business and I'm very unhappy about both of these items being missing. I am paranoid that I'm not doing enough to be getting ready and that tonight when it's too late to run to Tarjay, I'll realize what I couldn't live without and can't get. (Although in MN I will be walking distance from the Tarjay WORLD HEADQUARTERS and you can betcha I'm heading straight there Thursday evening after dinner.)

My anxiety level will decrease by about 8 or 9 am CDT on Friday morning. That's when the Shopping Opportunity at the convention will be over. Until then, I'll be pinging - what time should I be in line? Will there be products left by the time I get to shop? Will the free wifi at the convention center work so I can use my laptop to order the online stuff? How crowded will it be this year because there's only one convention not two separate, smaller conventions?

And then there's the anxiety of flying.

What if I die and leave Daddy Doc a widower with three small children because I selfishly went to Minnesota to support a business that doesn't even provide income for our family and has been a tax burden as much as a tax write off? Who would come to my funeral? I'll bet it would be a decent funeral because my face is so everywhere and everyone loves Daddy Doc and a lot of people know our family. 

Oh wait, I've gone to that special place that is supposed to be left inside my head, haven't I?

Sorry about that.

My flight leaves at 6:05 am. Yeah, that's kinda ugly, isn't it? DD and the boys will be getting up and taking me to the airport butt early, but the fun part is that they'll have an opportunity to go to Denny's or IHOP and have PANCAKES on a school day. SCORE.

I can't promise the fascinating stories or adorable pictures that we had from Arizona but my plan on Friday, post-anxiety activities, is to go to the Mall of America. If there are any special requests, e-mail me at the e-mail you know for me.

Hopefully I won't piss off too many people at the TSA lines for being a clueless amateur...