Daddy Doc's intoxicated on Boy Scout Kool Aid

Surely you've all heard of the expression "Drinking the KoolAid." Let me tell you. DaddyDoc has had some rather intense Boy Scout Kool-Aid this month. We're talking Smart and Final size canister - two or three of them - all mixed into just one of those Home Depot Igloo Drink Thingies. And it's like that's the only thing he's been drinking. Boy Howdy. He's gone mad...

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So here's a little Boy Scout History for y'all to start... Here's the warning: There will be some politically incorrect language in this story. You're going to have to just understand the historical perspective of young NotYetDaddyDoc. I think everyone who knows our family in real life, will appreciate where our hearts are...

Years ago, when DaddyDoc was still a Boy Scout, he described his Troop as the "Bad News Bears." Meanwhile, there was another troop in the Council whose leader, by coincidence, lived across the street from my parents. We'll call him Mr. L. Mr. L's boys had long grown, but as often happens with these hard-core guys, they stay involved as leaders for years. Mr. L had a green van that was always parked at his house. And when his Boy Scouts ventured out together, they packed inside the green van.

Mr. L's group would pour out of their van and fall in LINE. They had matching tents. They got those tents perfectly pitched and lined up. They marched around together. Their uniforms were perfect. They had it DOWN.

DaddyDoc and his fellow scouts had a little pet name for Mr. L's scouts: The Prairie Fairies.

Over the years he's told that story every so often. He also likes to add that when it came to competitions between the groups, the PF's rarely actually won. They looked good but they lacked the skills to really compete.

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Fast forward to September 2008, and my husband is going to Wood Badge. Wood Badge is the ultimate end-all be all Boy Scout Leader Training. I could link it to you, but I'd rather just describe it. Google's your friend if you want more official-like answers. We have been told lots of things about Wood Badge. We've been told it's outstanding leadership training... It's the same kind of training that companies pay tens of thousands for their executives to attend... It looks great on a resume... It is epitome of Boy Scout Leaderness. There's Eagle Scout and then... there's Wood Badge.

Wood Badge is a process. It starts with six days of intense training, over the course of three-full-day weekends. Then the participants have up to 18-months to complete five projects to "earn" their Wood Badge awards. This month was the beginning of that process for Daddy Doc, with the two three-day weekends with one weekend off in between.

And you get to be somethin' special when you've done Wood Badge. There's lots of specialness. Just to start, already, DaddyDoc knows some of the secret code. He has a special neckerchief, a special "woggle" (it's a leather neckerchief slide that he made,) and a special cap. Oh, he has a special patrol patch to wear on his uniform too. (In Boy Scouts, leaders don't wear patrol patches - unless they're Wood Badge patrols.)

When DD finishes his projects (called Tickets) there will be a "Beading Ceremony" at which he'll be awarded the SPECIAL neckerchief and Wood Badge Beads, which I can best describe as a thing around his neck. Wood Badgers may not always wear their neckerchiefs because they may choose to wear the neckerchiefs that identify them with their troops, but they'll wear their beads over their neckerchiefs to show off - I mean, to identify themselves as having completed Wood Badge. To start, DD gets two beads but if he ever works on Wood Badge staff (which, btw, is invitation only to be staff,) that's a third bead. If he ever directs a Wood Badge Course, that's a fourth bead. The Regional Director of Wood Badge gets a fifth bead. And the Biggest Kahuna of all of Wood Badge is a guy in England who is the only person on Earth who gets six beads. 

So the point I'm trying to make: Wood Badge is a big deal and the people who go through Wood Badge get all sorts of fancy little special symbols to brag of their specialness. 

Then there's the code.... They all get assigned to special patrol names. Since DD returned from Wood Badge, we've been in the presence of other leaders who completed WB years ago.

DD: So, what patrol are you? (Note: it's ARE you, not WERE you...)

Mr.D: I was an Eagle. Is there any other?

DD: Well, I'm a Beaver.

Mr.D: Oh! You're rats with a tail!

DD: Ah, but we're always first!

DD to MD: I heard you're a fox. I'm a beaver.

MD: yeah

DD: We didn't have a Fox Patrol.

MD: What do you MEAN no Fox Patrol? There HAD to be a Fox Patrol?

Yeah, this patrol thing is a really big deal if you go to Wood Badge. It's sort of like being in a Fraternity. You belong to your fraternity. When you meet another Greek you have a connection because you were both Greek, but if you aren't in the same House (Patrol) you have to make a sort of condescending remark about the other guy's House (Patrol.)

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So here's what happened after the first week: First weekend was very intense with training. DD came home physically and mentally drained. And for the next two weeks, he was e-mailing his Wood Badge Patrol, plotting their second weekend. They had a couple of assignments to do, yes, but this wasn't just about doing their assignments, this was about how they were going to incredibly butt-kiss the Wood Badge Staff... and boy, did they.

The first week, they were all given matching caps - the entire group. But their patrol? One of the members of their patrol has a friend who does embroidery. So he took their caps so that they could all have the name of their patrol embroidered on the sides of their caps.

Pause to roll your eyes.

The second week they were supposed to hike to their campsite and pitch their tents together. Well you have to know that the first week, they just so happened to pitch their tents in a row. This is very Unified for a patrol to do this and attracted the attention of the staff right away. But for week two? One of his patrol members actually brought six matching tents from her Boy Scout troop so that their patrol could set up their MATCHING TENT campsite.

I'll pause now for another eyeroll.

But it gets better. See, DD decided they should have an ENTRYWAY for their campsite. Yeah, they devised a plan to lash together some tripods to create an entryway and DD made a sign out of wood. Oh but not just any sign. He made the tips triangulated and then used his belt sander on the edges to make it look like a log that a beaver had chewed...

Eyeroll #1 for sign...

Then on the sign he engraved "BEAVER LODGE" with the Wood Badge CODE for their class and on the back of the sign, their Wood Badge Patrol Symbol. 

Eyeroll #2 for sign...

They knew their service project would be to dig up cedar saplings around the campground and put them in pots, so they brought a gallon of Vitamin B to help the plants handle being transplanted.

Oh there's more...

See, they knew they were in charge of the flag ceremony Friday morning of the second weekend. One of their Patrol Members belongs to a Troop headed by a "No Longer Active Marine" (because there are no "former" Marines.) He taught her the commands for a formal flag ceremony and lent her 6 of their troops GLOVES which they own for flag ceremonies. But just for good measure, this man drove from the desert up to the campsite to lead their Patrol's formal flag ceremony at Wood Badge.

Ladies and Gentlemen, do you all realize what I have realized? My husband has become... a Prairie Fairy.

I don't know if they give out toasters for that but if they do, someone has a toaster coming. (Actually, I know who would get it, too, but that's not the point...)

It's baa-ad. Woah, Nelly, it's bad. We even had a disagreement on Sunday night when he came home because he started in on telling me what he thought that I should be doing with my Cub Scout Den. I looked at him like he had lost his ever-loving MIND. HE is the one who was drinking the hard-core 300 proof Kool-Aid. I was shopping for Ann Taylor Loft Petite Boot Cut Regular-fit jeans and having lunch at the Nordstrom's Cafe with my sister, thankyouverymuch.

He's sort of calmed down a little bit.

Except that his Frat brothers and sisters, I mean, his patrol is still plotting. They're seriously, no lie, planning a trip together. Scuba diving in Catalina on one guy's boat. (There's some discussion about whether or not Spouses have to be included. REALLY? Really.) And they're going to buy a Beaver. A big fluffy Stuffed Beaver. He'll be their Flat Stanley. And everytime they go on a camping outing with their scouts, they have to get the Beaver from the last guy or gal who had it, and take it on the outing, and take pictures of the Beaver having fun with their scouts... For the Beaver's SCRAPBOOK.

I can't make this up, people.

It turns out that one of the Beavers is a former Creative Memories Consultant and two wives of the Beavers are current consultants so I've been told that I "don't need to worry, whatever they do, the Beaver's scrapbook will be a high quality Creative Memories product."

Pause to take a deep breath.

So if you see my husband and another guy or gal in a khaki shirt giggling about Beavers and Eagles and Foxes and this small little Quail or a Buffalo or something - look for a cap with strange letters and numbers, or a pink neckerchief (yeah, it's pink, really,) and beads dangling from their necks. They're Wood Badgers. It's kind of like a cult. 

Not that there's anything wrong with that.