There's a story I won't be telling here because of the nature of the situation. We all have compartments in our lives. I have my business compartment, my kids' school compartment, our family compartment, and various other compartments that reflect our social commitments. In one of those compartments there is a situation going on right now where DD and I found ourselves in a situation which has attracted the attention of leaders who are taking action on our behalf to correct a wrong. OOOOH, how is THAT for diplomatic? It is very odd. I feel disappointed and vindicated all at the same time.
This situation is greatly contrasted by another compartment which I will address here, and that is the compartment of my children's school. I have been very happy with their school as long as we've been there. There was a difficult transition period for 3 months two years ago, when we lost one principal, gained a new principal and then lost eleven teachers. In the end, our new principal is wonderful, the teachers who stayed are awesome and we have great new teachers, too. I am still very happy with this school.
Last week as I prepared to leave for Minnesota, I printed up a sheet of phone numbers that I described as "People who help me." I let DD and Grandma Church Lady know "If you need anything, call these people." I included my good friend Susie, three moms from PTA/Cub Scouts/School and the names of the office staff at the school who know me well.
At the time, I felt cocky. Maybe I'm too sure of myself at the school office. Maybe I really annoy the crap out of them and they're just too nice to tell me directly. Maybe they get tired of me. But I did believe that they would help if DD or GCL needed help in my absence.
Today I had a dichotomy of experiences. On the one hand, I had an update about the situation, which worries me that by being vindicated will make me feel arrogant and cocky, but reminds me that someone out there does not like me. On the other hand, the school secretary called me.
I saw the school on caller ID and answered the phone by saying "OK, what happened this time?" Usually calls at that time of day only mean one thing: My child has been to the vice principal's office. But no, it was the school secretary laughing at me (again! Didn't she laugh at me after the earthquake a week ago??)
Secretary said "NO! You told me I could call you and ask for your help and we need your help! The other secretary needs a lot of filing done. Can you come in and help us? She says if you tell her what kind you like, she'll bring you coffee and a donut!"
Two months ago, at the end of the school year, I was bringing THEM treats. That's the MOM'S job, not their job! I'm happy to come help! No donuts needed! When I told Secretary that I could come in tomorrow morning, the other lady was in the background cheering.
A-HA! I was right last week! They DO like me! It felt so good to be wanted in that office. I'm so glad to be able to help. This was my goal in life: To be a stay-at-home-mom who can contribute to her children's community. You know, the bon bons on the couch are nice but I still have a 4-year-old at home so I'm watching Thomas and Mr. Rogers and Elmo, I can't really watch As the World Turns and Carly and Lily haven't learned any lessons in the past 20 years so really, what's the point anymore?
So as I reflected on these two situations - I had to ask myself: Am I confusing cocky-ness with confidence? Am I so unfamiliar with confidence that I'm afraid to allow myself to own it?
I have analyzed the mystery situation and I know I have to guard myself carefully. I have made a commitment to keeping my mouth closed as much as is possible for me. I have identified who will be the hardest person for me to stay closed-mouth to. There is too much on the line. But the reality is that the vindication isn't even about me. All I did was act professionally in a difficult situation. And for that, I have earned the right to feel confident. If I can keep my mouth shut, I will hopefully avoid cockiness.
But at the school, I'm feeling good about the groundwork I have laid. I am confident that the staff appreciates me and I can be helpful to them. My mom was impressed with the way the principal interacted with the students before school yesterday and I was able to share that story with the principal today. I spent some time talking to M's teacher and she's a hoot. Although, she did tell me that she was really surprised that Daddy Doc was a REALLY neat guy, so down to earth and "not geeky." I told Daddy Doc that I am the one who should be insulted, not him. I can understand why someone might assume that a PhD in science might be geeky, but why would someone assume that I would be married to a geeky guy???
I'm CONFIDENT that I would not have married anyone less than a "Really Great Guy."
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